Since I am a completionist, I decided to watch the original Pinocchio (1940). And even though some things didn’t age well, whether in the film (Pinocchio smoking/drinking or the scene with native Americans) or behind the scenes (allegedly Christian Rub, who voiced Gepetto, was a huge Nazi sympathizer), the movie still works. There are many staples of the “stereotypical Disney film” we now take for granted because they were established in this film (the “Wish Upon a Star” theme song is the most famous example). And as it happens with Disney and their old IPs (intellectual properties), they “have to” reboot them into live-action films. And this was… the definition of mediocre.

Let’s start with some positives – Cynthia Erivo sings very well. Her song and presence were appreciated and made me believe; that I was in for a much better film. I also liked Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s performance as Jiminy Cricket, even though I could not recognise him at all. And they changed the story just slightly for it to work in today’s age (even though I could do without Gepetto’s clock collection, aka “look at what we own because we are Disney!”). And, to be honest, I thought mainly in the beginning that Tom Hanks’ performance also worked before he became a cartoon caricature. And this is where the positives end.

The biggest problem with this retelling of Pinocchio is it doesn’t do anything fresh. Every beat we saw somewhere else and done better. I could see every turn this story takes from a mile away, and not just because I saw the original just a few days before this one, no. This film felt like it was only made to showcase CGI and how we can blend it with living actors, almost like a demo reel. Except in this case, for some reason, that demo reel was a feature-length film directed by Robert Zemeckis. Ok, let’s accept this film on its terms and talk about CGI.

It was… ok. That’s it. And no, I am not trying to be funny. There was nothing in this film where I thought: “Ok, the story isn’t that fresh, but the movie looks stunning.” Because I could see myself not being as harsh on this film if it was for that, but it wasn’t. Pinocchio is your standard Hollywood blockbuster that blends the CGI with real actors and doesn’t do anything new with it. Or maybe it does, but it never translates onto the screen that this is something revolutionary, amazing or even something we have never seen before. And that brings me to Robert Zemeckis.

What happened to him? He’s been in this weird, CGI-experimental phase of his career for a while, and even though he occasionally delivers solid movies (like Flight (2012)), he is no longer a guarantor of an excellent time for me. When movie fans discuss how Spielberg, Scorsese or Scott have “fallen” and their films are not as excellent as they used to be, I feel like (and it pains me to say this) Zemeckis has been steadily average for a long time now. All the giants named before still made excellent films, all within the last five to ten years but go through Robert’s filmography and stop when you stumble upon an excellent movie. I would argue (even though I enjoy Cast Away (2000) a lot) his last truly excellent movie was Contact (1997). And, as you can see, that was almost 25 years ago. And look, that doesn’t mean he is any less “legendary”, he gave us many excellent films, especially throughout the 1980s and 1990s, but maybe that is why it hurts to see him like this, directing “ok” films that for the vast majority of them, feel soulless.

This was the biggest downfall of Pinocchio; most of the film felt empty. And that is plainly not good enough for a story about a wooden puppet who wishes to be a real boy. That should be one of the easiest things, to pull on some heartstrings and make us fall in love with him, to care about his journey, and I felt distant like the movie didn’t really care whether I was there for the ride.

Believe it or not, we are getting yet another retelling of this story and another film called Pinocchio (2022), and I am excited beyond belief about that one. Why? Because it was directed (or at least co-directed) by Guillermo del Toro and told using stop-motion. I have an inkling this will be miles better than this film, but we will have to wait and see. Based on the first reviews, we seem to have a pretty decent film on our hands, and you can bet I will review it here too. 😉

Overall, Pinocchio is the blandest, the most average film you will get to stream on Disney+ this year. There are some elements of this film that worked and many that didn’t or didn’t work as much as they should have. I suspect kids might have fun with this film, but adults not so much. If there is one thing that Pinocchio does well, unfortunately, is informing us all that Robert Zemeckis, one of the best storytellers who ever lived, seems not interested in anything but CGI anymore, and it shows. Oh boy, does it show…

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke