I remember this film coming out in January 2022, one of the first (if not THE first) major film of that year. And I also remember how all reviews and opinions from movie people I trust said the same thing – the most generic film ever, borderline on a bad movie. Despite that, I had to see it for myself, purely on the strength of the cast alone. Where else would you get Jessica Chastain, Penélope Cruz, Diane Kruger, Bingbing Fan, Lupita Nyong’o and Sebastian Stan? And the result was this weird film that’s not bad; it simply is boring.
The main premise feels almost like it should have been another sequel to Fast & Furious, except in this movie; they aren’t racers. We have this all-powerful device that falls into the wrong hands, and several different agents from various secret agencies are trying to retrieve it. And this is where the all-female ensemble comes in; most women here play some sort of agent, except for Penélope Cruz, who plays a therapist. Which was strange, considering she holds her own later in the film, but ok. The 355 main problem was its generic nature. Over the past 20/30 years, we have seen this exact story over and over, and over again, with little tweaks here and there as to what the device looks like, what it is capable of and most importantly, who is coming after it. The main draw of this film is “it’s all women agents now!”
Ok, that’s great. All the actresses are accomplished in their own right, yet in this movie, they all blend in. You can argue Jessica stands out the most as she (arguably) is the main character, so she has the most screen time, but honestly? Even I (a massive fan of all of these actresses) can tell you this film doesn’t do justice to any single one of them. And it is not any of their faults; they are trying their best; they kick ass, double cross each other, you name the cliché of this “doomsday device got stolen” genre, The 355 has it. But it is not enough, given the star power in this film.
After X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019, my review here), I didn’t think much about Simon Kinberg being at fault, as I didn’t hate the film nearly as much as everybody else. However, after this film, I am starting to see that he is a much better producer and possibly even a writer, but director, he just ain’t one. His style is the most generic action mess; that’s cut to pieces, and you can almost argue he has no style. You can’t convince me that someone like Paul Greengrass would have taken the same script and the same cast and made something that at least would be intriguing enough from the action side. Because that is the point, I don’t think I am the only one who is willing to excuse a generic story if shot in an exciting way where the cuts (if you have to cut so abruptly all the time) at least aren’t nauseating. It seems like ever since his Bourne movies, many have tried to mimic his “quick-cuts” style, but none succeeded. I can’t exactly pinpoint why Paul nailed it, and someone else (like Simon) failed, but not every quickly-cut movie is equal. The 355 isn’t a bad film; it is hardly the worst movie you would ever see. What happened here is the film managed to fall into its own trap, where the main selling point (all women agents who can kick ass); is muted by the fact that everything around them is so generic it doesn’t matter they are all great actresses, as the film gives them nothing even remotely interesting to do. And if there is an action sequence, it’s usually cut to death.
Overall, The 355 is as average as they come. That on its own isn’t the biggest sin; however, a film with such a stacked cast should come anywhere close to the word “average”, let alone be its definition. If you happen to see it (and I would only recommend it if you are a completionist and one or more of the actresses are your favourites), I don’t think you will regret it as the film is… just ok. But you will forget about it the next day. The 355 is a cautionary tale; that, unfortunately, proves just because you cast a few of the most talented and likeable people around, it doesn’t make for a great film. You (the director) still must make it great, and this aspect is where this film failed.
That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!
Until next time,
Luke