This might be one of my most controversial reviews, so buckle up. I’ve heard a ton about The Crow. I mean who hasn’t at this point? This is definitely one of those films, that is engrained in modern pop culture and vocabulary, but not because of the movie being so great (well, some people seem to really love it) but mostly due to the unfortunate death of Brandon Lee and the fact they had to deal with it during the shooting, as he didn’t shot all of his scenes yet. So, honestly I only have respect for the filmmakers to keep going after such a tragic accident. That being said… the movie is a mess.

Just to clarify it, it has nothing to do with the CGI, that’s used to cover up the fact Brandon wasn’t shooting some scenes. I haven’t actually noticed which scenes he’s not in, so as far I am concerned, that doesn’t account for what I am about to write. The main thing for me was the fact, that the story is all over the place and even though they setup some things (crow brings your soul back, if it’s super sad I guess?) they really leave plenty of things “on the table”. Was he only “back alive” for one day/night? Or until he has his revenge? Why him and not her (his girlfriend) too? Her soul would presumable be also unrest and sad…? How does he know that is time to go back, once he has had his revenge…? Did he know he needed to, or did he decide there was nothing for him on Earth, since his true love is still dead?

At this point, I need to quote a piece of trivia directly from IMDb, that once I’ve read it (after this movie was over, that was the first thing I did, as that’s what I usually do, read about movies I’ve just seen. Yes, I am very fun at parties, thanks for asking :-)) it cleared pretty much everything for me:

According to Empire Magazine, cocaine abuse was rampant on set, with cameramen shooting whilst high, crew going into the toilets to snort between shots, and people cutting around. One crew member recalls hearing the sound of a sneeze on the set one day, and an annoyed Brandon Lee quipping “someone just lost $50.”

Source: IMDb.com

Plenty of times, when movie reviewers are trying to be funny, they always go for some sort of “did they make this while doing all the drugs?” joke(s), as those work and are fitting surprising amount of times. But I swear I don’t recall a movie, where it was so obvious plenty of people involved must have definitely been on something. The Crow is just so all over the place, so chaotic, it’s trying to be so dark, edgy, poetic, that it comes across like a really cringey friend, who even though is almost 28 years old, is still convinced being EMO, anti-everything popular and listening to the bands “they’ve definitely heard first, before they became popular” is the way. It’s not.

And that is the thing – this movie might have just missed me. Had I seen it when I was around 14/15 years old, I would have probably adored this film. Part of me kind of understands, why this film has such a cult status even today. It almost seems sacrilegious to say anything bad about this film or its soundtrack. Well, I will have to, as no matter how hard I tried, I never got into this film.

I strongly believe if it was not for that tragic death of Brandon Lee, this movie would not have pretty high 7.6/10 rating on IMDb. I honestly believe this would have been one of those films, we would see articles about, how it’s underrated and how it’s worth another re-watch, because it’s secretly genius and we all have missed it, when we seen it the first time. But we didn’t. The Crow gave me something, that if done properly (maybe, just maybe, minus all the cocaine, slightly better CGI, explain the rules more, establish the world properly, etc.) today, it might just be pretty great. Come to think of it, I could easily see this as a really dark HBO or even Netflix show, and what’s more, I would kind of welcome it. If you ever read my opinions on remakes/reboots, you know I am not a fan, if they are remaking/rebooting movies, that worked in the past, just to make some extra cash on that sweet sweet nostalgia we all seem to be craving (weird, it’s almost like the entire world is slowly collapsing, why is it we want to go back so much…? Such a mystery…). Instead of that, I am all for taking movies, that had some potential, but for variety of reasons (different era, new way of thinking about the story/characters, better/cheaper CGI, hopefully less cocaine available on movie sets etc.) failed to capture us. I honestly think this might work, because I could see glimpses of potential. And I can’t deny it influenced the gothic, dark aesthetic for some time to come. But everything around it just didn’t work for me.

Overall, The Crow is one of those cult movies, that just simply missed me and I don’t understand the love for it, except for the very obvious reason of death of Brandon Lee. It almost feels like people who love this movie, love it either because they grew up watching it, so they understand it’s not that great, but can’t help themselves (which is fine, I also have movies like that, where I objectively know they are bad, but I just love them), they haven’t re-watched it recently, so they still remember it fondly from “back then”, or they are afraid to rate it any lower, because of Brandon’s death. And I hope that’s not the case, because we should be able to separate those two things. Let me put it like this – The Dark Knight (2008) is an excellent movie. And when I first watched it, in the cinemas, knowing about Heath Ledger‘s unfortunate passing, I also wondered whether I might have overhyped my enjoyment of the film, because I really liked the guy and enjoyed his performance. But every since that, I’ve re-watched it several times and the movie just works on several layers, and Heath’s performance is just a cherry on that cake. Whereas The Crow, I am sorry, but almost nothing worked for me here. The lack of any direction, cohesion… I don’t think I will re-visit this film any time soon, if ever.

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke

Ok, let’s get something straight – did I expect any kind of masterpiece from a movie, that’s based on one of the most known mobile games in recent years? No, I didn’t. But with such a stellar cast of funny people, I expected to at least be mildly amused and what really happened was… I was bored. It’s really strange, when a film called The Angry Birds Movie doesn’t really make you angry, instead of that, you just feel bored and empty inside, wondering how come this movie isn’t funny. And then you also wonder “wait, is the end actually pretty decent, or is that because I know, it’s almost over”?

I genuinely believe the main issue with this film was the script. Not necessarily the jokes (even though you could probably count the number of times you’ve laughed on fingers of one arm man, who somehow lost most of his fingers on his still attached hand) but mainly the “story”, if that’s how you want to call it, didn’t work for me, as it was way too bloated. I understand they were trying to give these birds some characters. After all, you need something to make them standout, as the game couldn’t be any simpler (do you remember playing Angry Birds? Exactly, that wasn’t a game you’d remember because of great characters) but that also means there are no characters to attach ourselves to. And I think they went overboard on the main bird’s (simply called ‘Red’, because why the fuck not, creativity is dead anyway) backstory – we get it, everything wrong that could have happened to him, did happen to him, and that’s why he’s the way he is. But that could’ve been a montage, possibly funnier one that what’ve gotten, as opposed spending almost 40 minutes mainly on him and his struggles as the main story. It takes a lot before the pigs (aka the main villain(s) of the movie) even show up to get this movie rolling.

That was something I was fascinated by and don’t remember last time this happened to me – the movie did get slightly better, when the pigs arrived. And the last 20 minutes, when it actually goes and resembles the game (spoiler, but not really, when the birds are attacking the pigs, to get their eggs back) the action sequences were actually pretty cool and fun to look at. Unfortunately, it takes you most of the movie to get there. Which wouldn’t be that big of a problem, if the film gave us something really funny, intriguing or interesting to look at in the meantime. But it didn’t. Just your run of the mill dialogues, “jokes”, nothing you wouldn’t see thousands times before, except this time, it’s birds!

Here’s the thing – I honestly don’t want every animated movie to have “Pixar level quality”. No, I am more than happy to kick back, relax and just laugh and have a good time with animated movies, that don’t really have that much going on underneath the surface, but they are funny and you enjoy the ride (latest example would be The Emperor’s New Groove (2000, my review here). I knew this will probably not blow my socks off by any means, but I was bracing myself to at least have a good time. Even if it was dumb good time, it would still count as something. But what I have gotten was just a mess, that might have worked as 30 minute demo reel, rather than full on feature film, as (surprise, surprise) film based on app does not have too much meat on those bones. But, the movie made money and that is just the theatrical run, I would not be surprised if the total sales with toys, merchandise etc., grossed over one billion dollars easily, as I have seen plush toys, mugs, you know the drill. That’s probably why we’ve gotten The Angry Birds Movie 2 (2019). Yep, there is a second one and knowing myself, the curiosity will get the better out of me and I will end up watching it, just to see whether they improved it, or not.

Overall, The Angry Birds Movie will probably be a good time for your kids, if you have some. I can easily imagine them enjoying this movie, especially if they grew up playing the game. But when comes to entertaining adults… I would doubt most adults would have fun watching this film. And given the fact we have so many other animated movies to choose from, I would rather sling shot your way the further from this the better. Or watch just the last 20/30 minutes or so, as again, the action sequences are (surprisingly) entertaining enough. Everything else is just a boring waste of ones and zeros, that created this film.

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke

Every time I am writing a review, I try really hard to stay as objective as possible (but is there a such thing as being truly objective…?) where I try to put aside everything and focus on whether the movie/TV show/book is fulfilling it’s purpose. But when comes to Scoob!, I can’t do it. Because I have a very special connection with the original animated TV show and that is the main reason this film didn’t click with me at all.

My special connection is, I grew up watching the original animated show, that was my jam Above all the other animated shows, I loved Scooby Doo the most. I know what you are thinking – hey, that’s not that special, millions of kids grew up on that! Yes, but how many of them didn’t understand the language…? See, when I was growing up in Czech Republic, my grandma had a “satellite package” (good old 90’s, no Internet, had to pay plenty of money to get bunch of channels on your TV and most of them would be in English, language most Czechs don’t understand, especially older generation back in 90’s) so every time I would go to visit her, or to stay at her place for the weekend, that was the only place for me to watch Scooby Doo, Where Are You! (1969 – 1970) on Cartoon Network, as we didn’t have it back home. So there I was, really little Czech kid, watching something I was really, really loving, but not understanding a single word of what they were saying. But the power of animation and the straightforwardness of those stories were so great, I didn’t need to understand, because I’d always get what was happening (and I still have a theory that it’s because I grew up watching this show in English, I took to this language quite quickly, when I started to learn it properly in 2007) and loved it. And because of it, I had this TV show not only connected with my childhood, but also with my time spending at my grandma’s flat, you know, really happy times.

So that is where I am coming from, let’s go back to present, where I am watching the latest theatrical (or what was supposed to be a theatrical run before COVID-19 made a surprise appearance in everyone’s life) effort and truth to be told, the first 15 minutes or so weren’t bad! I was intrigued by how they managed to replicate the “opening credits” to give a nod/homage to the original cartoon, and even them as kids and how they all got together was fun for me. But then, we skip to the present and this is where the movie lost me. As they were trying to make this set in today’s day and time, so of course, we get plenty of smartphones, Instagram jokes, plenty of modern day lingo and I know I am going to sound like a purist, but that just doesn’t fit with the world of Scooby Doo and “vibe” of trying to solve mysteries.

I honestly would have preferred (and I strongly believe this would have made for a much better movie) had the film been set in “undefined” era, where the are no smartphones/technology we have today, but there might have been hints throughout to “when we are” (like cassette tapes, etc). Because I don’t think the comedy element works well for our gang to be in today’s day and age. What made Scooby Doo always so endearing to me was the fact they are just bunch of young people, who are trying to tell you to use your head and if there is something “supernatural”, usually there is a human behind it, who wants to fool you. From this, I really didn’t get the feeling like this movie went for it, as some plot lines here are simply resolved by “oh, I’ve just googled this” or “they just posted a picture on Instagram and this is where they are” and that just felt lazy and out of place.

To me, putting Scooby Doo into “our” current time period, is the same mistake as re-making The Flintstones and putting them in old Egypt, or medieval times. Sure, you can do that, but it changes the heart of the show so much, it ultimately becomes something else entirely. At that point, why not just name it something else…? Oh yeah, because then you wouldn’t have the name recognition of beloved cartoon…

Another reason Scoob! didn’t really click with me was simple – it just wasn’t funny. And again, big part of that is the story being set today, so most of the jokes don’t feel unique, they just feel like your old, tired “random equals funny” comedy formula, we often see in B animated movies, there are created purely for kids and there is nothing in them for adults. Most of the jokes here were not coming from the situation, so you could literally re-use them in a different animated movie and nobody would recognize it, that’s how little they in common with Scooby Doo. And I swear I can’t even see your average kid nowadays enjoying this, because believe it or not, kids nowadays are smarter than kids 20 years ago.

The only good thing I can say about this film, is the first 15 minutes were decent and the voice casting was pretty good, especially Mark Wahlberg as Blue Falcon surprised me, as it seemed like he was trying for something else. Also I really liked the choice of Daphne being voiced by Amanda Seyfried, I thought it fit very well and she’s also done a great job.

Overall, Scoob! is just below average animated movie, that’s trying to make you believe (based on the first 15 minutes) that the TV show you so fondly remember from your childhood is back, just with updated graphics. But it’s not, it’s just your “paint-by-the-numbers” animated movie, that I still can’t comprehend who it was made for. As fans of the original show won’t be happy with this and what is worse, I honestly believe most children will be bored by this too! As especially today, they have so many great animated movies to choose from, I would seriously wonder whether kids of certain age would want to watch Scoob! again, and again. But hey, maybe I am wrong.

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke

Ok, right from the start I need to address something – I know the inspiration behind this movie is the TV show Fantasy Island (1977 – 1984) and that is where, to a certain extent, the TV show Lost (2004 – 2010) borrowed some elements from. But I haven’t seen the original TV show, and the movie really reminds you Lost, except really boring double episode, that wants to be a bit of everything, that results in… nothing much. Some might say “Hey, that’s exactly like Lost!” but I am not one of them (I do need to re-watch it and write about it at some point…)

Fantasy Island starts up promisingly, a group of random (OR ARE THEY?!) people are brought to an island, where everything is possible, so you get to act out any fantasy you might have. So far so good, as the name of the movie is the premise, nice and simple, brilliant. And with such an intriguing premise, you might spin it in variety of ways. The way people behind this film decided to spin this one… well, doesn’t make sense to me and feels almost wasted. Especially the longer you think about all the different twists and turns that this movie tries to justify (but does it though?) the more it doesn’t make sense, on the potential re-watch. Yes, this is one of those twisty movies that lives (or dies) on how strong those twists and turns hold up upon re-visiting the movie and I don’t have to re-visit it to know it wouldn’t hold that well. But of course, we need to go to the spoiler territory, so…

Beware, SPOILERS are coming!

I really liked the idea that there is something connecting all these random people and that even though they think they are acting out their fantasies, they are actually a part of a bigger, revenge fantasy. But, once you get to know the actual story behind that revenge fantasy (a girl, who had ONE date with a guy, who dies in a fire, is pissed off and wants all people involved either directly or not directly to die and pay) it just seems like a bigger stretch than winning a lottery while, at the same time, getting massaged by Kate Upton. First of all, she’s had one date with the guy and she’s ready to kill for/because of him? I know we are supposed to believe she’s got issues, but that seems a bit far. Also, how did she discover everybody involved? How did she discover (for example) the police man, who, just for the record, isn’t a fireman, therefore was he really to blame for not running to a burning building…? That logic seems a bit murky to me…

I think that is what is the most infuriating thing about Fantasy Island, the potential was there. The cast was solid, even though I only knew a couple of people prior (which usually is a good thing, as you don’t have such attachment to actors from their previous movies, so you can focus on the mystery at hand) the location was beautiful and until we learn the truth behind this movie, the story was intriguing enough.

What also doesn’t help this film out is tonally, it’s trying to do a bit of everything. It starts out as almost a comedy mixed with a fantasy genre, slowly touches on some action, drama and thriller notes, just so we can go to wannabe horror genre at the very end…? Which, don’t get me wrong, I don’t need movies to be one singular thing, but if you decide your movie will cover several different genres, maybe think about how they enhance the experience…? This didn’t seem to flow naturally, so the horror element for example is almost non-existent, except for couple of really cheap and not effective jump scares. The same with the drama, there is some, but it’s not done effectively, so the moment you think we might have something here, it moves to the thriller part of the story. It’s like trying to bake a cake, that has bit of strawberries, bananas, lemon, raspberries and for a good measure, you sprinkle some chillies on top. Now I am not saying that combination can’t work, but it takes somebody with a clear vision to execute it properly.

What could have been a potentially decent start to a franchise (or possibly a TV show, the same like the original, or the before mentioned Lost) has unfortunately turned out to be a subpar movie, that doesn’t know what it wants to be first and foremost, so it’s a mix & match of a few things, where it doesn’t shine enough in either category/genre to stand out in between other movies. Which would be bad enough in a normal year, but in 2020, where this film had next to zero competition because of COVID-19, that’s even worse and quite sad, to be perfectly honest. You won’t be too bored and some ideas are pretty good, but overall, you will forget this movie in about a week’s time.

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke

Bloodshot is a great movie, until it reveals its hand, which happens about 10/15 minutes into it. Ever since then, it just gets over the same old same old of the genre, that seen this kind of material done way better and in more interesting way not that long ago (did somebody say Edge of Tomorrow (2014) mixed with Universal Soldier (1992) and a couple of other movies?)

This film is quite frankly, all over the place and is trying really hard to be everything – cool, touching, really cool, fresh, really really cool, dynamic… did I mention really cool? You think I am being funny, but I am not trying to be funny, as much as this movie is really trying to pretend how it’s innovative, cool and while doing that, it takes itself way too seriously. I could forgive a movie that doesn’t really bring anything new to the table, after all, the already mentioned Edge of Tomorrow wasn’t anything revolutionary in a sense that they took the idea of repetition and put it into a war scenario. But it was done cheekily, focused bit more on the story rather than actors taking themselves too seriously and that is why it worked and Bloodshot didn’t.

Look, I will be brutally honest here, I like Vin Diesel and have nothing but deep, genuine respect for everything he’s done throughout his career and the kind of success he’s had. That said, I think he was miscast in this film. He was sticking out like a sore thumb for some reason. He usually plays the action characters well, but I honestly think this movie needed somebody who has got bit more… acting chops? And I know Vin can sometimes act, but he hasn’t showed that side of him in a while, as the type of movies he makes, don’t require him to “act”. And I think this one needed somebody, who can kick ass and, at the same time, show a bit more of acting. Especially now, when six-pack is almost mandatory “condition” for any younger actors, you could throw a stone in Hollywood and hit 52 different actors, who would be more suitable for this role and had the same, maybe even bigger star pull than Vin Diesel has.

That would be my main thing against this movie but unfortunately, everything else kind of goes from here, as if you have a problem with the main character, the rest of the movie can be the most original thing you’ve ever seen (which this movie isn’t by a long shot) and you would still not enjoy yourself. There were cool sequences that are enjoyable, there a few different twist to this story, some of them I didn’t see coming that I liked and I really enjoyed Eiza González (but Jesus, give her something to do, not just one really cool scene) and Lamorne Morris was really welcomed entertainment in otherwise really serious movie, that shouldn’t have been as serious.

It’s been couple of weeks since I have seen this movie and I except of the premise (which I only remember because I have seen it done so many times prior), the one cool scene featuring Eiza and the occasional funny scene with Lamorne, I can’t recall anything of entertainment value. Bloodshot comic books (which this movie was based on) might be great, I have never read them. But this movie is as original as forgery and is as memorable as the lunch you had that one time, at that one place… you know which one I am talking about, right?

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke

Well, that certainly was… an experience…? Pete’s Dragon is that kind of movie, you need to come to terms with when it was made. Not because of anything highly inappropriate (although in some scenes the movie does get a bit darker, mainly with Pete’s hillbilly family and them looking to possibly kill him in the beginning?) but with regards to the CGI (can you even call it like that?) and how out of place the dragon feels like. And honestly, I do get it, I can’t judge this based on today’s standards, but then you realise Star Wars (1977) came out the same year and… the difference is noticeable. Putting that aside, this movie suffers from two things – it’s way too long and it’s trying really, really hard to be the next Mary Poppins (1964).

As any decent sex therapist asks, why does the length bothering you? I do understand that movie used to be shot differently, so on average, they used to be a bit longer. Which usually doesn’t bother me, if the story is captivating. But with something as simple as this, (orphan has a dragon, “hilarity” ensues) it shouldn’t be anywhere near 2 hours. And unlike my other reviews, I know exactly what could be cut – the entire hillbilly family sub-plot. They are only there at the very beginning and of course towards the end, but overall, they have no impact on the story whatsoever. Pete (and his fake dragon) could have easily just been an orphan, wondering around, looking for a new family, someplace to put his head down…? The family literally serves no purpose then to have some cheap “laughs” and extra villains. If this movie was around 90 minutes or so, it would have been much, much better.

Also, you can tell this movie suffers from identity crisis, as it’s trying so hard to replicate Mary Poppins, to re-capture the same magic. I think where it fails is… everywhere to be honest. Helen Reddy seems really nice and charming, but she’s no Julie Andrews, and even though Pete’s Dragon was made 13 (!) years after Mary Poppins, the CGI looks way worse. I am sorry, I just can’t get over it. I’ve only seen Mary Poppins once and to be honest, thought it was fairly average movie (let me assure you, it’s on my list to re-watch, just to make sure I haven’t missed anything) but I remember thinking for 1964 the graphics they had were decent. But in here, I just can’t get that over that dragon (Elliott). Again, I totally understand the thousands of hours that went into making him this way, but… yeah.

I am always wary of reviewing “a classic” movie, I did not grow up on, as I realise I am no longer the target audience for this. And that makes me wonder how would I like Pete’s Dragon, if I were to watch it when I was 5/6 years old. Would I love it? Would I still think the dragon looks bizarre? Would I still feel it’s too long? I can’t answer these questions, as until we have a time machine available, we will just never know. But, I can tell you, other movies from even before 70’s hold up really well even today. Unfortunately, Pete’s Dragon is not one of them.

Overall, if you grew up on this film, re-watch it and see for yourself whether it’s still something you enjoy. If yes, I am honestly happy for you. If not, that’s also ok, to outgrow some movies. I will watch the remake from 2016 just to see, what they have done differently and who knows? Maybe because I am lacking any emotional attachment for this version, I might actually like it…?

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke

Salon Kitty is a strange movie, by “infamous” director Tinto Brass. If that name rings a vague bell for you, he’s best known for another outrageous film, Caligula (1979) that is still considered one of the most controversial movies of all time. But I thought it was quite a good movie, even though at certain moments, really hard to watch. I wish I could say the same about this film.

Don’t get me wrong, the idea behind this is great – an army man wants more power in a Nazi Germany, so he moves a brothel to a different location, where he installs cameras and plants bugs, so he’s got dirt on most of the high ranking officials. You can tell he’s really power hungry and motivated to blackmail his way as close to the top as possible. The first hour of this movie is actually fairly entertaining. Plus, when “Kitty”, the woman in charge, learns about everything that’s going on in her brothel, she comes up with a plan on how to put a stop to the man and that part was also well done.

The problem here is the movie drags on. I can’t believe I am about to write this, but there is only so long you can look at naked bodies. And you can tell Tinto really indulges himself with some scenes. Caligula had a similar issue for me, where even though it’s marginally better movie, I remember that dragging on for the sake of nudity, at least that’s how I felt (but take it with a pinch of salt, only seen the movie once, around 7/8 years ago). This movie is not on that level, I am afraid, as it has a really interesting beginning and fairly decent end, but there is a good 40/50 minute chunk in between that could have been told in about 10/20 minutes maximum.

I am convinced there is a decent movie here, just waiting to be re-edited a bit. If we put aside all the indulgent scenes, or at least cut some of them (we get the point, sex sells) this could have been a swift 90 minute movie, that would probably work much better, without losing any narrative.

I would only recommend this movie if you are at all interested about a different kind of World War II movie, respectively, different kind of espionage. Which again, is a great idea for a movie, as this form of espionage (getting as much as possible from men through sex) has been around, and used in a lot of a real life wars. Unfortunately, it’s not as great as it could have been, and what’s worse, you get bored after a while. I wish Tinto had a different editor (he’s also edited this movie) that could have maybe challenged him on some scenes, as with Caligula, the over-indulgence made sense because that’s who he was. With this movie, it doesn’t work as well. And yes, I realise he’s made Caligula 3 years after this movie, but that doesn’t change my point.

That’s all for this one! Did you see it? What did you think about it? Let me know!

Until next time,

Luke